Names, Tags, Numbers, Labels

There is a great song from the 70's written and recorded by Albert Hammond (the Never Rains in Southern California guy). It is titled Names, Tags, Numbers, Labels. I have pasted the song lyrics below with a link to the Hammond website.

As I read sun's post about people trying to categorize her submissiveness, I remembered this ancient (my categorizing) song. Looks like people will always be people. Guess it is easier to just categorize people according to your own personal taxonomy, instead of trying to get to know them as individuals. I am as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes it is hard work to go out of your way to meet, talk, and listen to another. To find out whom they really are. Then you can truly know them.
It is easier to just Label them: an idiot, a moron, slave, dick-head....
But we miss an opportunity to know another viewpoint, a different path, an individual soul.

As much as the D/s community seems to be one big group of people that are alike, it is as diverse and varied as any other community. All types of persons, ages, genders, sexual pursuations, races, cultures, etc... It takes time and effort to stop, get out of your own bubble, and listen to another viewpoint , but in the end it is so Worth it.
I think the best thing I have gotten from being involved in the D/s community in the past 9 years (both on and off line) is to be amazed at how varied people are. I don't always agree with everyone's viewpoint or the way they interpret or practice D/s, but I try to see it from their perspective, and respect their differences.
It is not easy, and I will be the first to tell you I still use Names, Tags, Number, Labels too much.
But as reminded by sun, when we do that we actually miss an opportunity to learn, and grow just a bit, but grow none the less and move on further down the path.

Have a good day.


SirW



Names, tags, numbers, labels
song lyrics as performed by Albert Hammond:

Names
I know a man
Who drowns his sorrows in the cheapest booze
He knows he hasn't got that much to lose
Wino

Names
I know a man
Who speaks the language of another class
He sees nothin' in the looking glass
Phony

Names, tags, numbers, labels
Other people teach you what you are
You believe them as a rule
While my name for you is beautiful
Your name for me is fool

Tags
I know a kid
Somehow the ball game doesn't interest him
Isn't this where it all begins?
Sissy

Tags
She's twenty-five
She wants a family and a house to run
Her sister always was the pretty one
Lonely

Names, tags, numbers, labels
Other people teach you what you are
You believe them as a rule
While my name for you is beautiful
Your name for me is fool

Numbers
There's no escape 'cause time will do a number on us all
Your age is scrawled across the office wall
Old man

Labels
You gave me mine
At the time I took it casually
Is that all you really thought of me?
Sucker

Names, tags, numbers, labels
Other people teach you what you are
You believe them as a rule
While my name for you is beautiful
Your name for me is fool
Hm-hm-hm

Names, tags, numbers, hm, labels

(http://www.alberthammond.net/).

The Cage

Note From SirW- another wonderful story from SusannaSW and her continuing exploration of her submissiveness.



The CageSusannaSWCopyright © 1997, SusannaSW -all rights reserved-

It was 7.00 in the evening when I left the house. I was appointed to meet my Master again, the man I had such a great time with a couple of weeks ago. All day long my mind was filled with what happened that day and I was looking forward meeting with him again. I had been very happy receiving a letter in which he told me he wanted to meet me again.

My mind was filled with remembrances to the last time we were together. It was a nice time and I realized if there was a man in this world that was able to control my body and mind, including my feelings and emotions, it could be this Master.

Busy with my thoughts as I walked, I did not notice the car that drove slowly beside me and for a minute I was frightened. But as the car came to a stop, I recognized the car and saw it was him, smiling at the wheel. I opened the door, entered the car and kissed him. He drove away from the station and after a few minutes he handed me a blindfold which I attached without any comments. I was brought alone with my feelings due to the blindfold and I felt the tensions flow out of my mind.The drive took about twenty minutes.

Then he stopped the car, stepped out, opened the door at my side and took my hand to help me out of the car and lead me into the house.

"Keep the blindfold please", he said kindly, "We are at my house here and I will take it off when we are inside."

Leading me by the hand he brought me to a room at the first floor, put me on a chair and took the blindfold off. It took a few minutes before I became used to the light again, then I looked around the room. I was sitting in a chair, close to a small table. He sat down in a chair at the other side of the table. On the table were leather restraints for ankles and wrists as well as a leather collar, a leather belt and a rope.I was offered a drink when he started talking.

"How have you been feeling since our last meeting ?", he asked.

I was still obsessed by the restraints and the collar and did not hear the question but woke up when Sir William called my name a bit louder.

"I am sorry Sir", I answered, "I did not hear your question, what did you ask me ?"

The question was repeated and I answered him that I have been thinking a lot to our previous meeting, telling him that I enjoyed it a lot and that it still released a lot of good feelings every time I was thinking back to it.

"To be honest Sir, I am very anxious to have these feelings again", I replied.

"It will please me to help you in having these feelings again if you want", he said,
"Think about it again and if you are sure you want it then undress yourself after you finished your drink".

I did not need to think at all, I knew I wanted this again. So I took my time to finish the drink and then stood and began to undress myself in front of the watching eyes of my Master. I took my gold chained collar and my bracelet off and put them on the table. Then I pulled my red sweater over my head showing him my black laced bra.

After folding the sweater and putting it on the chair, I unzipped the short black skirt, lowered it and stepped out, putting it on the chair as well. I felt a bit embarrassed standing there in my bra, panties and pantyhose in front of those watching eyes. I stepped out of my shoes and then put my thumbs behind the waistband of the pantyhose to lower it, uncovering the lace of my black panties. I blushed while I unhooked my bra and took it off slowly. I got deeper red in embarrassment when I lowered the last piece of cloth that covered my body.

Naked I was standing in front of the Master, who was smiling at me.

"Please put the chain collar on again Little One, it is a nice jewel which belongs on your body.", he said.

I took the collar and put it around my neck again, letting it drape in between my breasts.He enjoyed the look a while, then he asked me to offer my hands. I did as I was told and saw how he took the leather restraints from the table and attached them around my wrists.

"Trust me Little One, you will like this. No harm will be done to you", he said while he attached the restraints.
Then he bent and attached similar restraints around my ankles. I felt fine after hearing his trustful words and was okay when he took the leather belt and put it around my waist, fastening it rather tight but not uncomfortably.

More and more I realized that this man would take my mind when he attached the leather collar around my neck. But I knew I could trust him. He took the rope, went behind me, took my hands and placed them behind my back. The rope was led through the rings of the restraints of my wrists and then tied together, making me helpless. He went back in front of me, took my face between his hands and looked deep in my eyes.

"Trust Little One, trust me and try to give me yourself", he said.

Then he bent, reached between my legs and took the long ends of the rope leading them between me, moving them through the ring of the waistbelt. He pulled the rope a bit and when I felt how the rope touched the lips of my most intimate spot a sigh escaped from me. He kept the rope a bit tight when he kissed me.

Then he said: "Follow me Little One, we are ready to go somewhere else now."

There was no other choice as following this Master who opened the door, leading me to the corridor while he pulled the rope softly. We went through the corridor to the stairs and all the time I felt the pressure of the rope against the lips of my special place which got more aroused with my every step.

We went downstairs to the basement where he opened the door of a room we entered. Lights were switched on and I looked around noticing that all in this room was black. A lot of devices were in the room as well in the middle and hanging on or attached to the walls. He did not gave me much time to have a good look but led me straight to a cage in the corner of the room.

Opening the cage he told me to enter. It was a round cage, just large enough for me to stand in it, but was not able to sit down or bend. The only thing I could do was stand and I saw how Sir William leaded the rope through the ring of my collar and then through a ring in the top of the cage. I felt how the rope pressed harder between my legs when he tied it off to the topbar of the cage, unreachable for me.

Then he closed the door of the cage and locked it securely. I knew it was impossible to escape in what way ever.

"I am going to leave you here for a while Little One. I am going to get myself ready for you. I will take a shower and dress myself. In the mean time you are going to wait for me here."

He went to the back of the cage and I felt how he pushed a button in my hand and taped it to be sure I could not drop it.

"Press that button if you need me Little One, but do not misuse it. It will activate my beeper. I will be here within a minute after you pressed it. Try the button please", he said.

I pressed the button and heard a beeping sound. It gave me a safe feeling and I felt fine when he told her he would leave me alone for some time now. Then he left the room, leaving me with myself only, the ropes pressing to the lips of my most sensitive place.Minutes passed, or was it hours ?

I had lost all sense of time. The only thing I realized is that I was helpless, totally dependent to the return of the man who had put me in this cage. In a way I felt a bit stressed, but on the other hand I felt relaxed, knowing I was not able to do anything else as wait. Several times I tried to move, to untie myself but the only thing I did was cause the rope between my legs to press harder into my body.

It did not hurt, it just was there, pressing only, pulling my concentration again and again. More and more I got alone with my feelings, forgetting where I was, forgetting I was not able to escape. I only got deeper and deeper relaxed and without knowing it myself I started to move a bit, making the rope massaging me so nice.

Closing my eyes I went more and more in a deep trance feeling how I got more and more excited only. I did not notice that he entered the room again and took a seat in the chair in the middle of the room watching me. Deep in trance I moved more and more, getting my special place massaged harder by the rope. He saw how my body trembled a bit as I got deeper and deeper in the trance with my feelings. My pussy became glistening, wet pearls of her wetness came to the surface and my skin showed perspiration all over. I had lost all sense of time or place, there were only those touches at my special place that were so nice. I lost all control over my body. Trembling and perspirating and I moaned very deep, an explosion was starting deep in me.

"STOP THAT !!", my Master spoke very loudly, bumping me back into reality again.

I saw how he left his chair and walked to the cage, looking at me with strict eyes.

"Is this the way how you behave yourself when I am gone ?

Is that a way of behaving... getting yourself done.. pleasing yourself only?

Is this the way a sub shows her control and discipline ?

YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A WANNA BE SUB !!", he spoke.

I felt my eyes tearing as these punishing words beat my mind badly.

"I am sorry Sir", were the only words I was able to speak.

I did not dare to look at my Master but he moved his hand though the bars of the cage and took my chin to lift my head, forcing me to look at him.

"I asked you if this is the way you behave when you are left alone Little One ?", he said.

There was no other way, I had to look at him and tears of shame filled my eyes when I answered:

"No Sir."

"Then why are you doing so ?", was the next punishing question followed by:

"Why are you acting as a wanna be sub ?"

This really hurt my mind and tears were flowing over my cheeks when I answered:
"I am sorry Sir, I lost control over my feelings, please Sir, I am very sorry."

"It is not enough to feel sorry Little One. You disappointed me. I wanted to give you pleasure and you know that. You only needed to be patient. I intended to please you, but now I have to discipline you. Do you understand that ?" he said.

The words were spoken strict but not angry though they felt very hurting. My voice trembled when she whispered:
"Yes Sir I understand."

"Good", he said. Then he took the button away, untied the rope and opened door of the cage, leaving me out. He took the rope and led me to the chair in front of the punishment wall. I followed him, feeling the rope pressing my lips again.

"Stay here and spread you legs Little One", he said when we reached the place under the pulley.

He walked to the wall and came back with a spreader bar which he attached between my ankles. I had to spread as far as possible, opening myself fully. I realized this punishment would be hard but intended to stand it, hoping it would satisfy my Master again. He came in front of me and took the rope out of the rings of the collar and the belt leaving the ends hanging between my spread legs.

Then he walked back to the wall and returned with two chains. One of them had nipple clamps at the end.

"Look at me Little One", he said while he took my nipples and pinched them to get them hard, getting them ready to receive the clamps.

"I am going to punish you hard for this behavior Little One. I want you to try to stand it. It will teach you to be better disciplined. If it is getting too much, you can use the safeword, which is WINTER.
"Promise me to use it if you need it", were his words.

"I will Sir, I promise", I said, while looking in his eyes and feeling my nipples getting swollen and hard.

They burned badly when he attached the clamps and the pull harder when the second chain was connected to the middle of the chain connecting the clamps. My nipples were on fire as they were pulled by the weight of the chains.Again he went to the wall and came back with another rope which he attached to the ring of the belt.

Then he went to my back, took the rope hanging from my wrists and told me to bend. As I bend I felt how my arms were lifted while my Master attached the rope to the pulley making me bending deeper with my arms stretched. Then he took the rope which was connected to the belt, led it through my legs and tied it off to the pulley as well, again pressing to my pussy now, but harder as before. Back he went to the wall, taking a weight and a blindfold.

The pain was terrible when the weight was attached to the chain which connected the clamps, but I had no other choice than to accept it. I was helpless again though the blindfold covering my eyes did release me a bit.It took a while in which nothing happened and I tried to keep my body unmoved to reduce the pain. My nipples were burning, my arms were stretched painful and the rope between my legs was pressing very hard against my pussy.

Then, after a while I felt the rubbing of the crop over the cheeks of my bottom while I heard my Master saying:

"I am going to give 10 hard strikes with this crop now Little One, be prepared and mind that it is to help you. Are you ready ?"

"Yes Sir", was the only thing I could answer.

A few seconds passed, then the crop hit me, hard and full at the middle of my bottom. My body jerked and I screamed when the weight punished my nipples while a burning welt raise at my bottom.

A second time the crop hit me, this time at the lower part of my bottom. Again she I screamed while the blindfold absorbed the tears that were flowing from my eyes. Another welt grew, burning and leaving a red mark at the flesh.

Then three fast strikes hit my thighs hard and made my body shutter. I screamed and cried as the crop hit me again at my bottom, harder as before. A thick welt came up burning and coloring red. The pain was terrible and too much and caused me to scream again. I felt lost and broken when I felt how the clamps were taken off.

My Master released me from my bonds and the bar and took me in his arms, knowing I was weak.

"You have done well Little One, you have done very well. Relax now, it is over", he whispered in my ear.

But the only thing Susanna was able to do was sob, making the blindfold wetter and wetter.It took some time, then I got myself back a bit and felt how I was laid down at the rug. He poured oil at my bottom and thighs and softly rubbed it into my skin to cool the burning marks, reducing the pain. The longer he caressed me the better I felt.

The crying stopped and finally was able to enjoy the caring hands of my Master. Sir William gave me some time to recover more, then he kissed me and told me to stand up. I did as I was told and heard him ordering me to go to the sling. I walked to the sling feeling the eyes of my Master looking at me. I did not realize much more what was happening, I had lost all control.

The only thing I could do was obey to what he said. He helped me to get into the sling, leaving my hurting cheeks and thighs out of it. I felt how my legs were lifted one by one and attached to chains of the sling, widely spread and opening me as I wasn't opened ever before. Then he went to the front and attached my arms to the chains.

Again I was made helpless, dependent to this man who controlled my feelings.

"Relax Little One, there will be no pain anymore", he said me.

Then he went between my legs and touched me with his fingers, making long strikes over my pussy-lips. A couple of times he stroked me and noticed how I opened more and how my lips got swollen. Then he slowly pushed two fingers in my opening, making my body tremble.

Softly he pushed further, opening my entrance and making me wetter and wetter. He kept is fingers deeply in me for a while and then quickly moved them in and out a couple of times. I was hot and was very wet. The only thing I felt were the fingers fucking me and more and more my body began longing for release.

He took is fingers out, went to my front and took off his pants. Then took my head into his hands, tilted it and leaded his genitals to my parting lips. I felt what happened and opened my lips more to receive the growing manhood of my Master.

I sucked and licked, slowly first but then harder and faster while he guided my head. A few minutes passed while I cared him as good as I could, getting my Master breathing deep. Slowly he withdraw from my mouth and went between my legs leading his hardness to my wet opening.

Softly he pushed deeper giving me what I was longing for so much. Then he started moving in and out. It did not took much time before we both released our deepest feelings in a matching explosion, expressing our love in the deepest form.It took some minutes before we got ourselves back again. Then he released me from my bonds and the blindfold, took me in his arms and carried me to the couch where he laid me down.

There he unfastened the belt and the restraints. Only the leather collar was still around my neck when he laid himself beside me. I cuddled deep into his arms and felt how he kissed me.

"I love you Little One", he whispered in my ear.

"I love you Sir", I answered before I responded to his kiss.

On-line Training- Part 2

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On-line Training of a submissive

Note from SirW:
Below is the first part of a muti-part email conversation with a Dominant called Jason. In it, he and I discuss methods to train a new submissive in a totally on-line format. Feel free to add your comments to the postings.

Jason
She is very willing to learn and is deeply submissive.
I have experience in offline training but have none in online training, or distance relationships of any kind. This training is really a prelude to meeting, not a strictly online relationship, as she lives quite a distance from me.

So I would love to hear from Doms who have online experience and wouldn't mind sharing some of their experiences, tips and knowledge with me. No doubt I could learn through trial and error (as to which offline activities don't translate well online etc) but with such a wealth of knowledge and experience here I thought why not tap into it first :)

SirW
I have done on-line training in the past, then when I met my current submissive 5 years ago pretty much stopped. Last month though, I bumped into a newbie subbie here, and we have started an on-line training. I think the key to success in on-line training is Two things: One, go slow and don't rush things. I find myself always having to re-read the emails I send to her because I sometimes get going and then ask her to do about 10 things all at once. Prioritize what you wish to do with her. Lists work good with due dates. Set up right away how you wish her to respond to any emails and any on-line chats or sessions. Then reinforce that she doesn't need to feel that she needs to learn or know everything at once.

Two: Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Can't stress that enough. Write out everything you are going to tell her in a Word document (better to edit and save), re-read it and then send it to her. When replying to her emails, include her reply and your response. This allows her (and you) to follow the different topic threads.
Keep asking her to ask you questions. I find that new subs have a lot of questions but are usually afraid to ask. Sometimes if I am not getting enough questions I tell her that her next assignment is to ask me a question about (some topic). I have, in the past, told the sub that each time she emails me to ask me a question about my background or experience. This way if I didn't already tell her something or didn't elaborate then she has the opportunity.
Save everything. Since most of this relationship is going on through email, chats, IM, etc...keep the paper trail. It helps you to stay organized, and helps fight confusion about who said what when etc....

The next step is to lay out to her the way your on-line relationship is going to unfold. Since she is brand new it is a little easier, because she probably doesn't have a lot of pre-conceived notions to correct. But, tell her what your role is going to be (I tell my subs I am a guide in our journey to discover their submissive soul). Let her know what her role is, and your expectations of what she is going to need to do.
I always have the sub tell me about her past BDSM experiences as well as sexual experiences. I have had women tell me that they had no BDSM experiences and then eventually reveal they had a BF hold their hands above their head as he screwed her (but didn't understand this is a BDSM experience).
Ask about her lifestyle now and how much time she has to contact you. Then set limits of how much contact you will have with her. This just gives her a framework to follow and allows you to begin to control (which is what she wishes). Also, your time can start to get away from you if you don't keep on this. I am not saying she can only contact you for certain times on certain days, but when you start both of you may wish more time then one or both can afford to give. If you control this it works better.

Then have her download one of the BDSM checklists (one here: http://www.twoheartsonesoul.com/checklistp.htm) you may have used in the past. I have the sub email me about 15-20 of the items at a time, asking her to ask me if she doesn't understand something, and then tell me if she has any experience or an interest in that item. This allows for a lot of learning to take place as well as getting to know her better. Also, you can send her URL for follow-up info on specific topics. Is also, a good way for you to learn things (I looked up Bastinado when I didn't know what the term was). Also, suggest books to read, or better yet (if you can) mail her one of your favorite books and you can assign her a passage to read and then tell you her feelings about it.
"Her feelings", the key to the whole on-line training. Keep asking her to tell you her feelings. This is the only way you can judge how she is doing, what she is learning, and if she is progressing the way you feel she should be.
I continually ask about her feelings. Each time we part a chat or IM, I tell her to email me within 12 hours and tell me her feelings about what we just did or experienced. Since you can't see her reactions in her face or body, you have to keep making her tell you her feelings. Then you can sort through them with her.
Try to keep this on-line only for at least awhile. Sometimes if the connection is strong you will wish to go to phone right away. Try to avoid this impulse and wait until she is ready for it. You will not believe the power of hearing your voice for the first time will do to her. When you make her wait until she knows you a bit and you feel confident in beginning to know her, then the power of the moment is that much more.
Just like a real time relationship the on-line one is all about building trust. So keep going slow and pacing yourself. Offer her choices, but for the most part You maintain the control of what you will do when. Evaluate her responses and then decided which direction you are going to go.

A couple of short takes on a few things:
Titles: Decide what you wish her to call you and then make her stick to it. I like Sir because Master means something different to me than most. But pick something and then make her stick to it. Also, pick her a nick or pet name you decide on. Make her change her on-screen nick to that. Make it special and unique.

Discipline: Make sure she understands she needs to be focused on you and disciplined. Just because you can’t see her doesn’t mean she should not be disciplined and wearing what you asked her to, or sitting a certain way. Make sure you tell her that honesty is the key to an on-line relationship. Always be honest with you. If you ask her to do something and she tries but can’t then make sure she tells you. Tell her you will be more disappointed if she doesn’t tell you she can’t do that then pretending she did it.

Sex- you are going to have cyber sex with her. I usually go slow with her and always make her extend it out. I will give her a release, but make it drawn out. I usually try to begin orgasm control from the get go. Making her start, stop, start again etc… I will give her a release before we are done with a session, but make her earn it. I rarely ever come myself in the beginning. She will ask you about this (she will be very concerned that you are satisfied and that you find her pleasing). I tell her that I will get what I need when I need it. I like using toys, but try to keep it to one or two things per session. Also, keep asking her feelings.

Pictures- In the beginning I never ask what a sub looks like, her measurements, sometimes not even her age. I tell her from the beginning I am more concerned what is in her head then what she looks like. If you need a picture ask for a head shot, then give her one of you. Tell her when you are ready for more revealing pictures of her, you will ask her for them. Good to put this in the back of her mind, and extend the control aura. I do send her pictures of things I wish her to know about. I sent my current trainee one of a woman with a leather sleeve on her arms. She asked me what it was from the checklist, and it was easier to send her a pic than try to verbally explain it.

Punishments- Lots of variations on this. Some like to do it some don’t. I generally will not do punishments for awhile, if at all on-line. I tell her we will when I decide she needs it. The problem is that you can spank her like you do in r/l. Spanking or clamping your nipples yourself is not the same, and can be dangerous since she might not know when to stop. So keep punishments to something you can supervise and control, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER (got my drift) use time with you (or away from you) as a punishment. You need to be in contact with her all the time to control and train her. A Dom who says he is punishing a sub by not seeing her or talking to her, or answering her email is at best a coward, and worst an abuser. Also, don’t put her in a situation where no matter what she does she will fail and have to be punished. A punishment usually means she has done something incorrectly, which also means you have failed to get her to do it right. So if you wish to punish for that then punish yourself. One of the most severe punishments I can give a submissive is to tell her that I am not going to tell her what I wish to do, she can decide on her own. A true submissive will really, really hate this. You have taken controlling her away, and she will be despondent. Only do this to make a point. Also, if you do punish make sure she knows why and what to do to avoid it in the future.

When to go to real life: When you are ready, and You decide when that is. If distance is a problem then you may not have to worry she wishes this before you are ready. I told my current submissive that we will meet someday. She was puzzled by this because we are a distance away, and our lives are complicated. But I told her some day we will meet, whether it is just to talk or hug, or more. But when I feel it is right it will happen. Talk with her and you decide.
Lastly: Remember this relationship is all about control. Establishing your control over her, but she needs to give it to you. Go slow and earn each others’ trust. I talk a lot about how D/s is a partnership and how we both need to give and get things for us to be satisfied. I i\keep talking about this all the time. Do little things to show her how she giving you control can be such a turn-on and so rewarding for her. I almost always ask the sub if she is shaven (pubic in and around her vaginal area). If she is not I always request she do this, and maintain it till I tell her otherwise. This will be a visible sign of your control of her every time she dresses, bathes or looks in any mirror. Also, you can extend control of her into her everyday life. This is usually very exciting for her. An easy thing is to tell her tomorrow at work she is to dress normally, but after lunch to go to the ladies room and remove her panties, put them in her purse and not wear any till the next morning. Now every time she moves, sits down or even walks she will feel your control of her. (obviously I ask if she is having her period, and do not do it on those days).
Always ask if she can do this, almost 99% of the time she is turned on to do this for You.

Ok; and that is just the tip of the ice berg. Feel free to reply here or a PM if you wish more info. I would love to begin a correspondence with a Dom that is training a new sub at the same time as I am to see if we can learn from each other. Good luck

A Guide to "philia"

Note from SirW:
Don’t know where I found this, but it is informative and fun too.
Enjoy!

A guide to philia

acrotomophilia: aroused by the stump of an amputee.
acucullophallia: aroused by being cut.
adolescentilism: impersonating both the dress and behaviour of an adolescent (popular in Japan for some reason).
algolagnia : love of pain.
andromimetophilia: a woman who is sexually aroused by impersonating a man, purposefully looking like and act like a man.
altocalciphilia: turned on by high heels.
apotemnophilia: having a part of their body amputated either by the person themselves or someone else, the memory of the amputation can serve to arouse for years, as presumably, does the amputation.
asphyxiophilia: loss of control over your ability to breathe by either self-strangulation or allowing another person to asphyxiate you .autagonistophilia: similar to exhibitionism except situations are created in which other people could see them in the nude if that other person wanted to — the thought that someone may be watching that is arousing.
autassassinophilia: putting yourself in situations in which they may be killed.
autoassinophilia: stage-managing one's death.
autonepiophilia: same as infantilism (adult baby).
biastophilia: being raped, but this is scripted and planned out ahead of time with a partner, it is not actually being raped by a stranger.
bestiality: having sex with an animal.
catheterophila: arousal by the insertion of a catheter.
chrematistophilia: being charged or forced to pay, as in being blackmailed.
coprophilia: smearing human faeces on yourself or having someone smear it on you, or eating it (scat).
dacyphilia: arousal from seeing tears in the eyes.
ephebophilia: sexual attraction to post-pubertal adolescents (aka teenagers) 13-17.
erotophonophilia: aroused by attempts (not just thoughts) of killing someone.
formicophilia: aroused by having insects crawl on their genitals … it so very really takes all sorts.
forniphilia: aroused by turning people into human furniture (a form of bondage).
frottage: rubbing against a stranger in a public place.
gerontophilia: aroused by a significantly older person, at least a 15 year difference between their ages.
gynemimesis: arousal by impersonating a woman.
gynemimetophilia: aroused by a female impersonator, either transvestite or transsexual (are transsexuals "impersonators"?).
haemophile: aroused by the site or taste of blood (related to vampirism).
hybristophilia: when sexual relations with a convicted criminal are appealing … hmmm, fancy a bit of rough?
hyphephilia: aroused by touching or rubbing surfaces, wither human (skin or hair) or non-human (rubber, PVC, leather).
hypoxphilia: same as asphyxiophilia - you enjoy being asphyxiated.
infantilism: same as autonepiophilia, dressing as an infant and acting the role of a child under two years old.
klismaphilia - getting an enema is sexually arousing, usually the more the better.
lactophilia: enjoying lactating (milking) breasts, either watching them squirt or feeding from them.
masochism: arousal by the stimulation of pain (physical or emotional).
mixophilia: you like to watch their partner or themselves engage in sexual activity.
morphophilia: the attraction to peculiar body shapes and sizes such as heavy, short, dwarfism, very tall etc.
mysophilia: aroused by dirt, mud, or soiled underwear, or used menstrual pads or other filth and grime.
narratophilia: aroused by hearing or telling dirty stories.
necrophilia: engaging in sexual activities with dead people.
nepiophilia: aroused by infants, up to about two years old.
olfactophilia: aroused by body odors.
pedophilia: aroused by pre-pubescent children, about 2-12 - though obviously this term has become a catch-all for any underage sex.
pederasty: branch of ephebophilia, males aroused by adolescent males.
pictohilia: aroused by watching sexually explicit films.
pornographomania: writing sexually obscene material and graffiti.
pornolagnia: aroused by prostitutes … but surely that's their job?
raptophilia: same as biastophilia (staged rape).
retifism: aroused by boots and shoes.
sadism: arousal by the infliction of pain (physical or emotional).
sadomasochism: reciprocal interaction of sadist with masochist in which control, pain and pleasure are traded.
scatophilia: talking about sexual or obscene matters to an unknown person (eg, telephone sex).
scoptophilia: viewing, or having other people view one's genitalia (similar to mixophilia).
somnophilia: arousal by having sex with someone who is sleeping.
snuffism: roused by fantasies of murder — OK, we just made this up, but we couldn't find the proper word and we're bored of looking.
stigmatophilia – arousal by body modification, piercing and tattooing.
symphorphilia: arousal from disasters, especially if you caused it.
transvestophilia: aroused by wearing clothes of opposite sex.
troilism: aroused by watching your partner having sex.
urophilia or urolagnia: aroused by being urinated on or urinating on someone, (golden showers, yellow rain, watersports).
vampirism: same as haemophile, though it implies the Gothic element.
voyeurism: arousal by secretly viewing others.
zoophilia: often considered the same as bestiality, but also defined as sexual attraction to animals (but not acting on it), or as a person wants to be treated like an animal wearing a collar and even eating out of an animals dish.

The Training

Note From SirW:
Hi all. The below is a story from a woman I met several years ago in a IRC Chat room. She and I had an on-line relationship for quite awhile. I credit her with really helping me learn what D/s really was all about and discovering my Dominanat soul. The below story is based on her real life. Let me know your thoughts.


The TrainingSusannaSWCopyright © 1997, SusannaSW -all rights reserved-
I did not know anymore how much time was past since my Master locked the door of the cage. I only know it was long. Connected to the rings in the cage with metal chains to my collar, hands and feet, the only thing I could do was stand and wait. Wait ti ll he decided to come back and pay his attention to me. My body still was covered with a hot glow due to the whip that kissed me again and again before I was locked up. "This will be a warming up only", he said when he attached my hands to the c hain, hanging from the ceiling. Remembering the pain the whip caused when it bit my skin again and again, I was waiting, losing all track of time. Just waiting, locked, helpless, alone, fully dependent on my Masters will.
Then I heard the footsteps. He was coming downstairs and I know that soon the door would be opened. Closer and closer it sounded and then indeed the door opened and he came in. There he was again, my Master, dressed in his leather pants, vest and boots . His eyes looked kind and radiated trust when he came to the cage, though he said nothing. He only looked, gazed deeply in my eyes, making me feel smaller and smaller, letting me feel that it was him who was deciding what should happen here. Keeping my e yes opened wide, I felt how his hand touched my intimate spot, softly inspecting me. I shivered when he slid his finger deeply in me and blushed deeply knowing he was now aware of the depth of my heat for him and endless longing. Longing to offer my body to his control; longing for him to take and control my soul fully.
"It is not enough yet Little One" he said, "you are not focused enough on me yet. I am sorry, but I need you to stay in here for some more time. It will help you to focus your mind deeper to me." He went away to the chest and return ed with some things. The last thing I saw, was how his hands came through the bars to my head, then all was dark. A back scarf covered my eyes and he had made me blind, alone with my own thoughts. Then a terrible burning flash went all through my body sta rting from my nipples. Clamps were attached and burned badly. I screamed hard and loud till the pain was converted into a hard pinching feeling. Then I heard his voice again; "You will stay here for another hour Little One, then your Master will retu rn to see if we can start training. Press the button in your hand if you need me earlier for some reason. Press it twice now to let me know that you understand me Little One." I pressed the button twice, hearing his pager! bee ping. Then the sound of his footsteps told me that he left the room again.
There I was alone again, locked in the cage and chained to the bars, blind and alone with my feelings, a bad pinching feeling in my nipples reminding me that I have to accept his decisions. He had told me it was not enough yet, so I knew it was not enough yet. My mind goes back to the discussion we had before he whipped me and locked me in the cage. "We need to move on Little One", he told me, "I want you to be more disciplined. You are well disciplined in your mental behavior, but I want you to be better in the physical aspects. I assume you want to be a better sub Little One, don't you ?" Of course I wanted to be better, of course I wanted to please him more by being a better, no the best sub, the sub he wished to have always. "We will start a new training schedule Little One, focusing on physical discipline mostly, making sure that your body will react in by control. It will take a couple of weeks, maybe months but then you will be better, much better. Just trust me Little One, your Master knows how to handle you", were the words that were spoken to me when I was on my knees in front of him. I didn't say anything, only listened. I knew he was right, my body wasn't disciplined enough to be a good sub. I knew there still was too much connection between my body and my mind and I knew he would know the way to allow me to give myself deeper to him. So deep that my body and mind would react to his command fully.
Almost one year in a weekly session taught me that he was the Master I needed. No one else would be able to get me that far to make me feel so fully controlled. And of course I could trust him. Never ever would he violate me. Again he spoke: "I will warm you up now Little One. The whip will kiss your body until you feel it all over. Then I will chain you in your cage for two hours. It will allow your mind to concentrate on me fully." Then he shackled my wrists to the chain hanging from the ceiling and did what he said. He whipped my body hard and severe but bearable, till my entire skin was red and burning, chained me in my cage and left me alone.
And now I was alone again and it was worse. My nipples hurt, I could not see anything, my skin was still glowing and I could barely move. I was helpless, totally dependent, alone with my feelings and my emotions. Of course I could stop it, the only thing I needed to do was to press that button that was taped to my hand. Just one short touch and he would get back and free me. But I did not, I did not touch that button at all. I only waited and waited. Seconds passed, I tried to count them but it did not help for long. Minutes seem to get hours. But when I thought about the special care he would give we when he returned, I became aroused. Previous sessions flashed to my mind. How I was bound over the horse or strapped to the X-cross, spread and exposed. How he had made my body seem to be on fire, manipulated my mind and took care for my soul, releasing me fully again and again. Remembering the sessions one by one made me long for him. I wanted those feelings again, feeling to be his. Remembering this I got visions, like in a movie I saw flashes of what happened in the past. I got warm and aroused and my pussy got wet and hot. Hanging in the chains I did not notice that he had returned. I had not heard his footsteps, I did not hear the door opening. No, a finger touching me and sliding deep into my wet pussy had woken me. I shuttered all over by body when I heard his voice: "Hello Little One, I feel you are ready to start."
I heard the door of the cage as it was unlocked and opened. Then I felt how the clips were taken from my nipples, how the chains were detached, how one by one my arms and my legs became free again. Lastly the chains to my collar were disconnected but a leash was attached. A little pull made me leave my prison and once I was out I heard his voice ordering me to get on hands and knees. Guided by the leash I crawled through the room, going were he lead me. As I crawled over the rug, I realized that we were headed in the direction of the wall, probably to the corner with the devices. We stopped and I was ordered to assume position so I did. Sitting on my knees, my head bowed and my arms at my back, and my legs lightly spread, I waited.
"Little One", he said, "You have pleased your Master a lot in the past. I am very happy to have you as you are the most unique sub I have ever had. I want you to stay who you are and as you are always, let that be clear. But we need to do something to make you more mine, more controlled by me when we are in session. I have been thinking how is will be possible for you how to reach this goal and I think I know the answer Little One." This sounded kind; this sounded caring; this sounded that my Master had put much effort in me to find out how he could me make me feel more his property. To me this meant he would help me in giving myself more to him. He continued: "Little One, I do not like it at all to punish you but at times it is needed. I know you do the best you can to be a good sub and I appreciate that very much. We are going to start some training now in which I will be more stricter with you. When we are in session I will not listen to you anymore Little One. Of course I will hear your sounds, your moans , your words, but I will not listen and only do as I want. You need to trust your Master more that he will do what is good for you and that he knows what you need. I want you to more obedient and disciplined without discussing my decisions Little One. Do you understand what I mean Little One ?"
This was hard. I knew it is in my nature to try to control the sessions; to try to get what I want; try to influence his mind with my remarks and questions. This meant he would focus more, in order to take my complete control. I knew it would be a hard road to go, but at the other hand it was the only way to move on with him. And I wanted to move on with him. Only he really knew me and my needs. I did fully understand what he meant with his words and he was right, very right. I did not give myself deep enough, I exactly knew what to say him to make him do certain things. "Trying to top him from the bottom", was the expression for that. Yes, I did understand it exactly. But I wanted to move on, I wanted to be his more and more, to feel his complete control when with him in session. So I gave the only answer I could give: "Yes Sir, I do understand your words and the meaning of them."
It was quiet for a while, very quiet. Then he continued: "Little One, this means that from now on I will punish your mind and body when you try to discuss my decisions when you and I are in session. I will do what I will decide and what I think it is needed. The only thing I promise you is that I will tell you when you get punished and why, but I will not accept any discussion. Knowing why you get punished will teach you how to improve. If things need to be evaluated we will do that out of our sessions. But not a single discussion anymore in the session. Is that clear Little One ?" He meant it. He really meant this. The sound his voice was enough to know that this was really meant. I trembled, felt the stress coming into my mind. This was clear, really clear. I had to give myself more and deeper. No discussions anymore. Just obey, following his orders, accepting his decisions, just trusting him. He seemed to notice the doubts I felt and put his hand at my head to let me feel his caring and said: "You can do this Little One. You can, just try to trust me more. I will care for you and help you to get through this. You know I love you very much and you will always feel that. Focus to that love and know that everything I will do to you will only help you feel mine deeper." Hearing the words and feeling him caress my head, I answered that everything was clear and that I accepted what he told me. I had to, he was the Master I always wished to have. We had very good times together; he made me look deeply into myself; had teached me who I really was. And now he was going to help me to move on, going together with him and to go where we both would be happy once we reached the end.
He spoke again and I heard his words. "Little One, when you want this then show me your obedience in the way I taught you." That was all he said, kind and polite. Since there was no other way for me I did what I was asked. Feeling him close in front of me I reached forward and searched for his legs with my hands. Once I found them I bent deeply and kissed his boots one by one, giving him the Kiss of Obedience, giving him all permission to do as he wanted. After the Kiss, my head stayed at the nose of his boots, waiting till he allowed me to raise it again. I knew I wanted to go that road, I wanted to be his property more, I wanted to feel his control deeper in my mind. Minutes passed. All the time my body was bent deep; my head at his boots and my bottom raised high in the air. The longer it took the more I felt how I was losing myself, giving my mind and my will into his hands. A few caring strokes of his hands at my bottom gave me the trust I needed to give myself more. I loved my Master, I loved him very deep.
"Please stand up Little One", I heard. Finally it was there, the releasing order, and I raised till I stood at my feet again in front of him, bowing my head and moving my hands to my back. He detached the leash and told me to wait and keep this position. Standing relaxed I heard how he went away to the chest and when he returned I heard him place things on the floor. Then his hands were at my breasts, cupping them a while first and then taking my nipples between his thumbs and fingers. He said nothing while he pinched them, softly first, but then harder and harder, stiffening them. My nipples got hard as stones and he still pinched them when he said: "First, I will train you to be more disciplined in controlling your feelings, Little One. Please try to trust me, you can stand this.", then his fingers left me. My nipples were hard and swollen and burned a bit but it was bearable and easy to stand. Again I felt his hand at my left breast, now taking it just behind my nipple, pushing my nipple forward. Then it was there, the flash of pain all through my body that was caused by the clamp that was attached. After a few seconds it lowered a bit and became bearable and a deep sigh escaped from my throat. There was not much time to recover though, as it again flashed all through my body, that bite of the clamp, converting into the burning feeling first and then lowering till the level of the hard continuos pinch. I felt the blood being pushed out of my nipples while the weight of the chain that connected the clamps pulled downward.
I heard how he went to my back and how the cuffs around my wrists were connected, making me helpless. Then a strap was attached around my upper arms, just above my elbow and pulled tight, pressing my elbows together more and more, until they almost touched each other. "Take a few breaths Little one, try to relax" he said to help me. I needed that, I needed to hear his voice, his caring words and did as he said.He knelt down behind me and while he ran his hands softly and nice over my legs he ordered me to spread my legs and attached a spreader bar to my ankle cuffs. I was helpless now, not able to do anything myself, just dependent to what he decided to do. I felt him at the left side of my body when I heard his voice again: "Now bend forward Little One, as deep as you can." I did as he said and a continuos pull at my nipples told me that the chain was attached to the spreader bar. Just a little movement of my body caused a new flash of pain through my body. "This bondage will help you to keep your position all the time Little One, but I want you to realize that it is a help only. Some day you will be able to do this without the bondage." I could not imagine that ever.
Alone with my feelings, blind and helpless, feeling pain at the smallest movement of my body I stood there in this position. Thrn I felt how something was placed on my back. It was cold but before I got the time to wonder what it was he told me he had put a plastic mug of water at my back. "Make sure it will stay there Little One, don't move.", he said. "Whatever happens I want you to keep that mug there by keeping your body still. If you move and it falls you will be punished Little One, is that clear ?" The words were spoken kind and caring and I intended to do everything I could to prevent any punishment. I felt tension even stressed, would I be able to keep that mug there under all circumstances. I knew this Master, he was able to awake up my deepest feelings that could make me lose my control fully. He even was able to separate my mind from my body, making my body react without realizing it myself anymore. Now I knew what he meant that the bondage would help me. This smallest movement would hurt me and help me to keep the position, helping me to keep the mug in place.
My mind fully focused on the mug at my back at I felt his hand rubbing over the cheeks of my bottom, more and more moving to my most intimate spot which was made open and fully accessible by the spreader bar. I realized that soon he would notice the level of my excitement. I was aroused and wet and the moving hand made it worse. Then it was there, a finger was touching my entrance for a while, then pushed in deep, going deeper and deeper, until I felt his hand against my smooth and soft lips. Unmoved it stayed there deep in me, taking my mind, making me realize my position more and more: his property.
I shivered and started sweating all over my body. Everything around me was gone. I did not feel the bondage. I did not feel the bite of the clips anymore. I only felt that finger, deep, terribly deep in me, reaching to my soul, trying to touch it. I moaned and groaned wanted him to move the finger but he did nothing, he only kept it there. Not realizing my position anymore I started to move, trying to feel the finger rubbing my inside. Burning flashes stopped me. Starting at my nipples they flashed through my body, burning and biting hard, forcing me to keep myself in the position. The pain made my body jerk a bit and the mug moved and though it stayed where it was a little bit of the cold water went over the edge and dripped at my back. It was cold, terrible cold and it was hard to suppress the reactions my body wanted to make. "Stay strong Little One, stay strong, you can do this." There it was, his helping words to get me through, to make it able to stand this. There was pain, a lot of pain. My arms hurt, the muscles were stretched. My nipples burned badly. I felt like they were getting pulled off. But then that other feeling, that finger, deep and unmoving. I made me lose track of all conscious feelings. I did not know where I was anymore, it made me aroused and hot. Two times he moved his finger in and out now, hard and very quickly, then it was out. Again my body reacted, again it jerked and pulled on the nipples. But not feeling the pain anymore I moved harder this time, longing to have it and making the mug move harder. Though it stayed where is wasthis time a lot of water dripped over my back now giving me a lot of tickles. "DAMNED !!!", it was the only word I could say. I was crazy, mad, aroused and hot at the same time and it was hard to keep my body and mind together. There he was, in front me, putting one hand at my head and caressing my hair and touching my lips with the other. "Quiet Little One, please your Master with keeping your discipline.", was what he said when he pushed his finger through my parting lips, making me taste my own cream. Sucking the finger and feeling his hand caressing all the time made me calmer and gave me my concentration back. Feeling the mug at my back again I realized I had been crawling through the eye of the needle.
He pulled his finger out of my mouth and I heard as he went away from me. A few seconds later he was back and hearing the sounds I knew he had put the chair in front of me and had taken a seat. "You are mine Little One, you are mine now, aren't you ?", he said. "Yes Master, I am", were the words that left my lips, not because he wanted to hear that but because I felt I was his. "Keep this position Little One, we will continue in a bit after I looked at you a while. I like it to look at the language of your body when you are in my control.", he spoke softly to me. I did the only thing I was able to, stand in the bend position, trying to limit the pain as much as possible by keeping my body unmoved. It was hard. Again and again my mind went back to what just passed and made me shiver and move, pulling my nipples. The pain was bearable but made me focus my mind to where I was all the time: bound helpless in front of the eyes of my Master. Five, maybe then minutes passed, then he stood up and came close to me. "Just one little test more now Little One, then you will have some rest", he said while he rubbed my the cheeks of my bottom. I loved it to feel his caring hand there, rubbing me so softly and caring. A few gentle slaps made me tremble but did not make me move too much. "It's okay Little One, you can do this, just try and make your Master proud", he said. The rubbing hand left me and I felt how he took position behind me. Again I heard his voice speaking to me: "Are you ready to get kissed my the whip Little One ?" My God, no. This could not be true. But it was true. Without waiting for my answer the whip touched me again and again, not hard, not really painful but enough to make my body jerk again and again, pulling the nipples hard again and again. I tried to stay as unmoved as much as possible but it was hard. The plain in my nipples was there and hurt me, but there was also the heat in my bottom caused by the strikes of the whip. I screamed. Was this pain? Was this pleasure? More are more the whip kissed me, reddening my skin, making my hotter and hotter. Again I screamed or did I groan. I was hot and felt the contractions starting deep inside me searching their ways to the surface, more and more into the direction of my hot spot. Again the tails of the whip touched me, very fast now. My body jerked, the nipples were pulled hard and while the mug fell over at my back releasing the cold water all over I exploded hard, giving the deepest of my soul to my Master with a hard echoing scream.
I was over, my arms were free, my legs were free, the clamps were gone and the blindfold was off. I can't remember that the bonds were taken off. The only thing I realized were the arms around me, the kisses at my lips and my cheeks again and again. I was sitting at the lap of my Master, held like a little baby, cared and protected. My mind was empty. There was no stress, there were no tensions. I was where I wanted to be, in his control in his care.. in his heart, and most importantly, his property.

Sir, elizabeth and i

To my Sir

i am a submissive (christine) in a six year relationship with a Dominant (whom i call Sir in this text). This story is from a time a few years ago that was an experience with another submissive (elizabeth or beth). While most of what i will relate is true, the names and places have been fictionalized. Also, a bit of unnecessary details have been omitted. Most of this account is written in the first person to Sir.

i was being honest when i told You earlier that this was absolutely one of the best weekends we have ever spent together… but then i sorta forgot the first one and then the one in Boston, which was almost like the first one all over again, just simply an erotic high. There have been other moments in our developing relationship that stand out, the extraordinary and intense orgasm i was allowed and given in Chicago the very first time You coaxed me into trusting You enough to become Your little girl, even with all the fears i held inside with that particularly emotional piece of me… just rubbing on Your leg i had an orgasm that i cannot begin to put into words, but it is forever within my very soul… the first time You ever said You were in love with me… the first time You hog-tied me on the bed and sat there just looking at me, such a combination of fear and wildly abandoned excitement… the time You spent so much time putting clips on my pussy, till my legs were shaking with the will to endure, to offer my entire being, body and soul to You for whatever activities You wished to explore… not to even mention the first time i heard the crack of a single tail and put the sound together with the potential uses… whew, yes there have been some pretty good moments. But for me to hold the entire weekend in the same category as those individual moments, that is truly special.


It began for me when i first saw You lying there on the bed… imagine coming home to find You waiting here for me! We began in something of a more sexual nature and what would ordinarily be a very simple act of allowing me to climb atop and feel Your cock slide into my body, to slide and press myself against You, the pressure on my sensitive heightened clit just started my body shaking in a most delightful way… then having You assist me into an upright position and Your cock reached the depths of me, pushing up inside me as far as possible, that sent me right back up to that delightful, quivering, coming state of being. i will admit to a certain feeling of fearfulness on my part when You were trying to coax me upward… simply being in that position has been next to impossible for me for many months now due, quite obviously, to my weight gain. i have been unable to maintain any sense of balance, unable to lower both of my knees to the bed while astride You, thus i was trying to balance on one knee and still raise and lower myself onto You. A mostly unsuccessful balancing act that made me fear hurting You when i could not maintain it. But, wow, here it was… back again and i could enjoy the moment, the penetration, the pleasure… maybe not so much the breast slaps, but those are for You, not me anyway! At least that is how i view them because the feelings, the sensitivity in my breasts are limited to the nipples and the slaps against the sides do not stimulate that response. Mostly, i guess, simply submitting to the breast slapping is more purely a submissive thing because it is only for You that i could even tolerate it and it still brushes the edge of my tolerance… odd piece of edge play, huh? But, as i learned this weekend, edge play develops in the mind, not on the body. It is the response to something which makes it edge play, for some people react differently to very different stimuli.

Actually that was the sex part of the time we were here, then it was packing and leaving and sitting in traffic for soooooooooooooo long and missing what i had thought was a seminar of choice for the weekend… vaginal fisting. Oddly enough, that appealed to me because it was such a draw for You and i find that i am drawn like a moth to flame into things which fascinate and excite You… drawn to the fire of Your passion, to feed upon it, i lust for experiencing that as much as i might in finding my own hot buttons. When You get that gleam in Your eyes, that light of pure passionate desire, it consumes me, envelopes me within its’ brightness, makes me want and how i love to want, to feel like it might be possible, to dare to dream. You have opened my eyes to that ability and, though i sometimes still hide from it within the realm of my everyday life, when i am with You, i am free to follow and become the experience as a part of You, wrapped in that security that i will not fall, You will always be there, holding me safely. Yes, a curious metaphor and if You literally had to hold me up, in reality, it is a stretch, but within me, it is Your strength that i depend upon.


At the masquerade ball, while we were there, i found myself wandering around, enjoying the people, the variety, the known and the newly discovered kinky people, who are amongst the most tolerant of all i could ever imagine. And i recall, at one point while the judging was going on, i looked across the room and saw You sitting there far from me in space, yet still inside me. It was such a perfect transition for me, from fearful to confident… i did not need to cling to You as i once had, during the first of the BDSM conferences we had attended. We had grown closer and thus the physical was no longer so vital to my vision… but really, when i am touching You, that is quite simply the very best that life could ever hope to offer in my opinion! But it was then, as i sat there with elizabeth at my side. beth who was not feeling quite the same level of confidence as i had finally discovered, who needed someone to just be beside her… oh how well i know and understand that exact feeling! Thus i was happy to just be there, watching the proceedings, with beth at my side, a fun playmate to share those giggly reactions with, an understanding soul to whom sometimes it is enough to just feel because you share the same feelings and to just wave at You across the crowded room and see You smile that cute little grin back as You return the greeting. i still, at that moment, never would have foreseen the night to come after the party! Yet the party ended, sadly there is not enough time set aside for play in the area that night… so we returned to our room and beth, wandering as if she felt almost lost at being alone after experiencing the warm sharing of simple, accepting of girlish fun… like a puppy dog (and You know i can never just walk past a puppy dog!!!) had that look.

You invited her to come to our room and, if she had a puppy dog tail, it would have wagged at the sound! At first i believed, and i suspect that both You and beth also believed that it was simply an opportunity for You to show her Your toys and for her to experience the excitement of seeing the possibilities. A preparation, if You will, for the next evening’s festivities. i know, for me, the build up to experience a D/s scene or even a more vanilla scene with You, is one of the most vital sparks in our relationship. To take time prior to the event to consider the possibilities is sooooo sweet, makes me soooooooo turned on, ready, wanting, lusting for whatever is to come. That is what i think beth was considering as well. We had shared a few pieces of conversation about BDSM thoughts, scenes, fantasies, as well as some of a more vanilla nature… thus we both knew that the other depended almost entirely on a vibrator and masturbation for release of any sort of sexual tension. It works, but it does lack the intensity of being subjected to something like that at the hands of another person. That is why i said to You that i do believe that beth had experienced the most intense orgasm of her life. There is nothing like an orgasm that is purely coaxed, almost against your own will, from your own body by another person. And i know exactly what happens within my own body when You speak softly, directly to me and simply say, ‘Come for Me, baby.’ And when You also add ‘come for your Daddy’ well that just ……. Hmmmmmm there is simply not a word to describe that response!!!! And i do know that beth and i both share that particular side. Then, there is also the side that just wants to be a fuck-pig, purely driven by sexual greed. i will admit that i actually, physically cringed when i heard You go in that direction with beth… because we had never discussed that side, she and i and it raised my protective instincts, heightened my awareness of the situation, so that i was watching her intently to gauge the impact such a statement might have upon her. i know, from personal experience… and You have seen that response from me, the drawing away because You touched an area that opens a fear within me. We have worked through that together, yet i had no idea how beth might respond. It did not seem to affect her as i had, at first, with me… whew! But just wanted You to know that i was constantly changing modes and responses all weekend long, from sex starved, to giggly, to friendly, to wary, to concerned, to pure lust, to one of the most wonderful levels of sub space i have ever found, (akin to that time i was strung up from Kenny’s ceiling… i felt so strong, like i had absorbed all the power in the room and could handle anything!!!). All those various parts of me were part of the weekend, needed, useful and wonderfully ready for the challenges and the delights!
And so, we went to the room and You got to show off Your toys… i know beth and i had discussed my affinity for the canes, for their remarkable ability to bring my butt up to such a level of warmup, that i can tolerate so much more than i would have ever believed possible before. i know it is also a very different type of play, for me it feels ever so much more intimate, more deliberate, more precise, less predictable and therefore more intense and faster build up… though i would love it to go on and on and on… *giggles*.
So then You asked me to lean over the bed to demonstrate the caning and it was the first touch of that kind for the weekend and i was soooooo ready for that and it was wonderful. beth hungered for that feeling, hungered for that buildup that would allow her masturbation to be so much more satisfying. i still don’t think she ever intended to ever take off her clothes. As the night wore on, i could see her respond in more and more submissive a manner… i knew just want was happening… the same thing had happened to me just a few short years ago when i first heard You speak my name at the airport on our first meeting. It was a place i had ever dreamed about going and so the trip was short and oh so sweet, i just immediately danced and twirled into that submissive side with a most relieved feeling of being set free… free from restraints that i had built around me, free to just give myself over to You, to become SirW’s sun. Oh how i craved that and still do. So, when You spoke to beth with that voice, and told her what to do instead of offering to ‘do her’ but rather asked for her to do it ‘for You’… yep, that was enough. She responded in the exact same manner, like a huge, heavy weight had been lifted and she slipped into pure responsive trust and service, the joy of submission comes home. And still, i thought she would not wish things to go where they did, as much as she hungered for it, wanted it… and equal part of her did not want it… i think she was afraid, mostly of my response, of how i would react to her. As You progressed through a series of BDSM activities, You lit her passion when You continued to coax her… every time You called her baby, she rose more and more into that joyful place. The changes i noted in her were actually physical. She held herself less and allowed herself to be uncovered, not just her clothing, but her inner desires, her lust was revealed. i was surprised to note when she could not stop You from rubbing her pussy, her lust far outweighed her basic need at that point and she was powerless, but filled with strength. She needed to be controlled and You gave her that. At a couple of points, still changing roles, i was sure she wanted to speak, wanted to ask You to stop, to not go where You were leading her, past the point of stopping and on into the bliss of orgasm… she would mumble na, na, na… but her inner wants took over and she was carried past that ‘good girl’ image into the sexual slut in dire need, survival took over, as simple as that… and it was at that point, her clothes were able to be removed. And then, the barrier was down… i sensed her concerns, ever wanting to know that i was okay with it all, as well… and when You brought me into the play in a more active role by telling me to suck on her nipple. As i look back, You knew exactly what You were doing, knew i had already crossed that barrier on two previous occasions and this was a safe bet to require of me without having to focus too much on me and be unable to hold the control over beth, as she needed almost all of what You had to offer at that point… this being a whole new world for her! And i wanted to play, wanted to help her feel what i knew she could, to let herself go with it, embrace it, submit as far as she wished. So i was eager to follow Your commands and give beth as much permission to allow it all to happen without having to stop and talk it out in words. There are so many kinds of negotiations and some of them never happen until you are involved. That was what my first lick on her nipple was, a signal that i accepted and encouraged what she was feeling.
When beth left that first night, i mostly wondered how she would feel the next morning. i was still sure that even she did not know… Thus, the next day, at the class on edge play, i arrived late and sat near the door. It was a truly fascinating program and i loved it, one of the best, maybe it was the best, that i had ever attended in the way the Mistress described the definition of edge play and where it could lead. Within the content of the talk, i knew that many of the things which we do which excite me the most, were a form of edge play, a journey into the unknown, forbidden, taboo and scary… while it all remains stimulating and sexually charged. At the end of the program i was headed back to speak with a friend and spied beth sitting in the back row. i was truly ecstatic to see her there, to see that she had come to terms with the events of the previous night and was willing and able to return to the conference. And i shared that feeling with her in the greeting, to ensure that she knew, i was most certainly okay, very okay with what had occurred. Her response was a sense of relief, i could feel it drain from her as we hugged in greeting.
As the day progressed, i could see that glimmer of hopeful wonder rise higher and higher within You. It was so neat to watch You, to see You want, need, all those things that i have so often felt… i could now enjoy watching them in You. i could not take time to enjoy those same things as much between You and i, though i am well aware that they were there, just in the things You sometimes said and the things You would do. But my focus was on ensuring that i could satisfy Your needs, not in the effect it had to see them develop.